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this blog is about my life through my eyes
any feelings hurt or spirt crushed will not be
not be held against the mangement of this blog(meaning me)
if you wish you voice out any unhappiness due to the blog
or otherwise look out for my tagboard where you can voice
your opinion about the blog and/or it's contents
any personal unsatisfactions about me will be taken up
in my presence to my face
entries in this blog are how i feel at that moment in time
and not my everyday presence of mind
feelings and opinions change so do not hold me accountable
for any kind of misinterpretation of the blog

jus another temp post until i get my laptop back...lol!
well the thing is well i m not feelin to good...
ther is no one...
i mean honestly ther is no one....
no possible candidate..nothing...
how sad is that!!...
ther is not a single person who wld wantto love me!!!

guess i m not as easy to love as i thot....

mayb i willl juz b a spinster all my life....

sobs

i m leaving now i cant take tis sadnesss i m goin away....

well tis will be here temoparily cos my I.ph domain is screwed up a lil...
well anyways submatives r like over n it sucked so bad i m terrified of failing...
never in my life hv i ever thot i was goin to fail anythin...n well i feel like i might actually fail somethin.....this si so distressing....
well anyways in penang now doin the COP thing...community oriented project...
in anushya's place now...leaving for the island tmr morning...
excited a lil....we had dinner if the family n did the project at her place...then thali decide tat it wld b good tat she 'did' my nose...it was painful...but i just bared...i m in one of those moods wen u r like in the darkness...in between the laughter...it seeps in a takes all u hv and sucks u dry...i dont understand y...i guess that it e morning of wat i hv lost and also...the stupid stupid thing tat i did...thank god!!! tat those guys r really nice n decent guys...never agin will i do it ever....but the other thing tat happened i m like relly confused....wat the hell was tat supp to b...were we juz like e both really horny...or was there possibly somethin...i assumin tat it is the fomer....crap u know...b4 u know he wld hv hooked up wif someone else...wateva lah...

i don not care...

i refuse to feel for people who dont ever feel bck for me....

i promised never again...

so never again...

but than again i m so stupid....

i never learn....

sighs...

but its time to 4get n move along n hv fun!!

nothing is goin to get me down right now....

well today is a wednesday....i am leavin tmr!!...sighableness....
well yesterday i went to sha's sch for awhile juz to hang ot wif her then wen to centerpoint...then i realised tat ther was a sale on n robinsons...of course i thought i could go and get some new lingerie...then the saddst part was tat they didnt hv like red bras in my size...*sobz!!*...i really wanted red coloured ones...saddness so i had to settle for like red underwear...sighs...then after tat my cousin from m'sia came down 2 catch a plane to australia which was today...anyhw was juz talkin with her and pckin my suitcase to bring here....i have like tis MASSIVE suitcase full of stuff and that doent include my shoes....lol!...today we went and droped my cousin at the airport...the flight was at 9am...so we left the house at like 6.30am...then after droppin her off my mum and i went to IKEA for breakfast...after tat we went to the National Art Museum to see the greek masterpiece exibits from the lourve Paris...it was so awesome!!...i enjoyed myself...of course only some of the cravings were sent here...and the were here only cos it is being upgrded in paris...and not all of the pieces pieces were sent...so alot of the famous statues were nt sent here....still saw some great pieces....then went and bought a pair of flats...yay!...now i hv to go contiue to pack...ciao

well i shld say tat last tuesday's performance was nothin short of bad...i am serious...it was not horrible...but it could have been better...my hands were not high enough plus the lady singer was a total biotch...other then tat all was good...the nxt day i wen out wif sha...and she gave me a watch!!...can u believe it it is a nice watch too....it is like my goin away present...*sobs*...then on the BIG day...which is V-day...i went to m'sia...went out to HELP to get the forms to sign up my brother...then went out for dinner with dhaya her cousin and arvind...at teppenyaki at Mid-V...saw aarti there..um then dhaya and her cousin had to leave early so i went to julian's hse...wher arvind and I watched Juno...AWESOME movie...all of you go and watch tat movie...go go...watch tat movie...superb!!!...then went home...not really tat eventful...then the nxt day went to IMU...saw the hostel...dhaya and her cousin picked me up from the hse after tat...went to mid-V met divya patrick and aarti...we went to see Jumper...okay movie...but Hayden is SOOO hot!!....sighs!!!!......dhaya and her cousin didnt see the movie though they left early...met my aunt and cousin ther for a while...then went patrick and i walked to B'sar station...i took the bus home....later tat night i went out from dinner....nxt day morning i left for S'pore...arrived here at 4.30...got ready and went for the wedding...tat was nice...after tat...sunday uneventful...juz yoga class...then today weent shoppin for the stuff needed for uni...like my laptop...my mum got pissed cos i left the form to sign my brother up to HELP in arvind's car...so smart right...and she still is pissed...my dad threw a fit about the sari blouse i wore to the wedding...that is totally ludacris...cos trust me i hv worse blouses...and come on it is a sari and i am young!!..wateva lah!!!...so yea not the most family pleasing few days....

well chinese new year here is very uneventful to say the least...i mean there is little to no excitiment cos everythin here is closed...i mean singapore literally goes to sleep...only some of the non-chinese shops are open...only because they are eiither convience shops or 24-hour shops...so as u can see i was bored out of my mind...literally...there is nothin on tv....it was all very boring apart from the fact tat i went to my neighbour's hse for new year gorging of the bak kua and all the other new year goodies...and then for the numerous dance classes cos of thhe performance on tuesday for the sivan temple...a lil stress about that...um apart form that....nothin much...happened...juz very bored....oh yea we did have visitors...my mum's friend form school...verionca...well her family meaning herself her husband and her daughter had come down to singapore from KL...they juz came over for some drinks...they r very friendly and fun...coincedentally they happen to be shaun's family...anyhow my CNY was not exactly the most exciting...i hv had worse...

it's HAPPENING!!!...i am soooo terrified!!!....
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!
*takes a breath*
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!
i am actually goin to do this...
i cant believe it...
i am actually goin to do medicine...
to become a doctor....
a person who will know and use words like Palmoplantar hyperhidrosis(sweaty palms) and Vitiligo(a pigmentation condition)...
and will know the causes and treatments for them....
but wat if i suck!
wat if i fail and cant cope wif it!!
have you seen the books!!!
i have to know EVERYTHING!!!!
i am sooo DEAD!!!
but it is finally happeneing!!!
i am actually goin to do this...
i am excitied...
and scared!!...
and estatic!!...
and nervous...
and elated...
and crazy...
and...
and...
juz...
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

and i havent even started yet!!!

hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!

p.s.i went to see Sweeny Todd(demon barber of fleet street)...excellent acting on Johnny depp's part...a bit gory...very twisted...and the blood is too red look like paint...and trust me makes you think twice before eating your next pie!!!...haha

p.s.s.went to sha's arts school again yest to help her out if the photoshoot...not as fab as the 1st time but had lots more fun and crazy times....then went out wif koki to the punggol beach...came home...yup...tmr got dance class am sooo screwed!!!....plus everythin is goin to b closed cos chinese new year...sighs...

well although my week has been quite the excitement today was so the opposite....my mum has been on my case since the late morning all because i forgot there was clothes hanging outside and wen it began to rain i didnt bring them in...but honestly hw was i supp to noe i didnt hang it out...nor did i wash it...and my mum didnt say anythin about them until like after the rain got heavy....well wat am i supp to do right...then she goes all angus on me...i mean seriously if u wan to b pissed at me for like an hour or two fine be tat way but for the whole f***ing day well then it is not fair...so i had to stay at home wif my attitude-mum...and it is not fun...i basically avoided hher the whole day plus she was giving me the cold shoulder...for wat also i dont noe...and she was not giving me a straight answer...i mean seriously if u wan attitude then u r goin get attitude..wateva lah...life sucks wen u r the oldest...the perks of getting to bully ur siblings wear of after they get to big and start to sass you...and u still get blamed for everything..u still have to be the resposible one...and the whole family can guilt you into doin things tat u dont want to...and u get alll the worries of havin to deal wif wat your lil sister is doin after school...plus wonder wat is wrong wif ur lil brother...and if ur mum is juz menopausing or hvin issues...and ur dad's health...and how to keep the whole family together wen frankly everything seems to fall apart...and then u still hv to b responsible and not do anythin tat will b used as an excuse for ur siblings to go crazy...then wat's the point of being young!!...i feel as old as i look in the pictures...sighs...the pains of being the eldest...yet i know people who are born the oldest but dont seem to show it...guess it was ingrained in me since i was a kid and still i neva seem to be good enough sister or daughter or grand-daughter for tat matter a friend too...i guess i suck too...